Disquiet~

With the changing times, changing mentalities are bound to happen. The situations that we're thrown into tend to put the greater world into perspective. You'd think one would learn from their mistakes but it would seem like we're doomed to relive the past. With repetition of the un-ideal, you start to wonder if things aren't meant to be; if things won't go as you had planned. Does that give you enough reason to keep fighting or is it enough to fuck it and slowly (or quickly) walk away? Decyphering these hidden messages seem to be what's occupying my mind in the last week. It's like a Sudoku puzzle that I can't figure out. I want to quit so desperately because it's too difficult but I still feel that I can complete and understand it. At least, until I hit that point where things are irreversable and I can't backtrack any longer. It would really be nice if life had a Menu-Restart option. Otherwise, I would've done a lot of things differently~

Work is really pushing my limits. The inconsistencies, the miscommunication, the people especially. I'm over it. I've been at Puraw-Wave's place whenever I get the chance and scan through any kind of job-search engine and hope to spot something within my perameters. Unfortunately, my knowledge (or lack thereof) limits me to what options I have. Will I forever be standing behind a cash register or dealing with random peoples' shit? I seriously hope not. I want to be able to finally sit behind a drafting table and work on something that the world will see and enjoy. "Back to the drawing board" as they say. In the meantime, I need something else. Anything (within reason) will do. I'm not a fan of harassing people in need, risking getting capped, or any of that mess. Besides, I don't get paid enough to do all that. It's like ABC all over again...just with less incentive to keep showing up every single day~

Last night, as I was working on the training regiment provided by dear cousin, my neighbors were semi-passionately going at it. The squeaking of the bed frame was overlapping the bass-beats of my stereo. The guy had his spurts while the girl seemed slightly pleasured. Between each session, conversations started to take place. Not dirty talk, mind you, but conversations you'd have with a long-time friend while meeting at a Starbucks. "So what'll you be doing in the next few days? How's so-and-so?" Then right back at it. As Jon said, "Meet for coffee, meet for sex. There isn't much difference." In this case, I guess there really isn't~

It got me thinking...."What the fuck?" Personally, I haven't had any sort of workout as such. Quite personally, I think my partner's lost interest. Consider it jealousy or insecurity, I was feeling very uncomfortable with it. Seeing how my comrades were getting their fill (haha...get it?), I thought it came with the territory. Oh well, I suppose. However, THAT wasn't my main focus of "What the fuck?" I started to think about the building itself. I thought the building was fairly new. Probably about the same age as The Lofts at Belmar (same basic design, layout, and feel). The couple didn't seem all that into it. More noise came from the bed than the couple themselves. So how is the squeaking going to out-noise my stereo? Secondly, I've been having leaks. The window sills get soaked after a day of heavy rain. They're currently lined with paper towels. I was hoping I'd be able to sleep with my windows open but no such luck. Also, two spots on my floor suddenly develop a small pondlet of water. It's strange because there are no signs of leaking from my ceiling. It just comes from the ground, I think. After all that hype of wanting to live in this apartment, I'm starting to regret it. But I don't want to move again. I want to actually be in a place where I can settle down for a while. It would've been nice if I got the Income Restriction rate versus the full rate. The Washer/Dryer is nice, though. Since parking sucks, I'm looking forward to when I'll be able to get myself a spot in the garage. Fuckin' apartment....

Currently: wanting things to get better already~