Bronzing~

Although it was probably unneccessary, I spent yesterday at waterworld. 6 hours of water and sun = an even tan [hopefully]. Considering all the things that have been going on, I personally felt that the time off was deserved~

Unable to keep my emotions in check, I accidentally had a mild explosion of rage towards a respected comrade. Although aware of her intentions to bring cheer to my dark time, I really wasn't in the mood to hear a lecture about "giving up" or "losing faith." Besides, after this dragged-on search of 3 years (and not to mention the light of current events), I think I'm entitled to feel tension and frustration. I am, after all, only human~

Thursday, I received a call from a prospective job opportunity. Unfortunately, due to being on the clock, I was unable to answer the call. They did, however, leave a voice mail. Upon immediate relief from the clutches of the timeclock, I returned the call to my would-be employer. However, I was only able to receive the machine. I left my phone number as for return call as well as informing them of my returning the call another time. Friday, I tried to return the call around 11am-noon. Again, I received the machine. I later tried to call the number again and ended witht he same outcome (darned machine). My possible ticket out of the bookstore might've slipped through my fingers~

So here I am in the computer cafe searching for yet another opening door in the workforce. The current door needs to shut soon. I want this. I need this. Yes, it needs to happen. It must. And soon. Because, quite frankly, I'm tired [oh so tired] of being dragged along like this~

Bleak

The search continues and things aren't looking as hopeful as expected. As previously stated, I've planted many seeds since before graduation. Even before submitting this post, I just completed another online application. Still, no word from anyone. Again, I'm starting to fall into another mental and moral slump due to the lack of hopeful feedback from potential employers~

After a lead meeting today, I found myself caring less and less about what happens in that God-forsaken establishment. As it would appear to be, plans of leaving before rush might be shot. It is my goal to make it out before then but for the time being, I might actually have to work my full 6 months. That would definitely make me depressed~

In recent days, it's been search after search. Let it be in the search of a new source of income, the search in a new place of dwelling, or the search of that step to fulfillment, I'm not finding what it is I'm looking for. As far as I know, I'm taking all the necessary steps I need to. Unfortunately, there is no path presenting itself. Lost as usual, I look back and find myself truly successfully unsuccessful~

Trailing~

In a position to expect change, I find myself hoping for more. It has been deemed that Summer 2008 is the summer of change. That, I can agree with. However, the path that lies before me is as much of a struggle as it has always been. My brothers in arms both share the satisfaction of progression; the feeling of evolution; the joys of moving forward. I, on the other hand, must follow suit so that I may also stand atop the pedastal and have the warm light of accomplishment shine upon me~

There is one thing that is for certain: there will be change during the summer of 2008. I will find myself living in new quarters and I will definitely find myself with a new source of income. I've been searching for more than 3 years. And, with all the seeds that I've planted, there's no way that not one of them can grow~

As a member of Best Hit Generation, I refuse to be left behind. It's like when we'd go on a running/jumping trek. With the mentality of being left behind, I force myself to push harder in hopes to catch up but, in their eyes, I sometimes surpass. Either way, I have to keep up with the progression. Otherwise, I'll be chasing the shadows of my comrades~

This will be a summer of change. This must be a summer of change. I welcome the progression with open arms as I hope it welcomes me. With that mutual, loving embrace, I'll know what it'll be like to finally step foot on the road to success~