It's been months since I've last blogged. For a while, I would exclusively write in my journal. And even then, I've taken a break from it. I suppose there's a lot of catching up to do. I don't want to type a whole book about it so I'll try and make it brief~
Since January, I've started to develop a type of mentality that I was hoping for when she and I first broke up: Stop caring/thinking/worrying too much. At first, I was only able to acheive this with the help of good ol' Liquid Courage [I've come to find that RedBull+Vodka has become my beverage of choice]. Slowly but surely, I've started to reach that particular mentality without the use of alcohol. Granted, it's a liberating feeling. However, I've noticed that it can get me into a little bit of trouble. One main thing is that it's attracted lots of attention [both good and bad]. I've managed to gain some new friends because of this new/former persona. I've been able to reinforce friendships that I thought might've been lost if I remained stagnant. Another thing that it's been attracting is some interest of female suitors. Unfortunately, not the type I'm into. Primarily being, those with ridiculous 5-piece sets of BAGGAGE. Drama seems to follow these women in an uncontrollable rate. My philosophy is: the best way to avoid drama is to not be there at all. By this, I try to take myself completely out of the equation/situation. Unfortunately, I'm somehow drawn right into the middle of it. Mostly through TEAM: CO BloodLine and TEAM: AZN Denver. Rumors, lies, backstabbings, etc. It's become a whole new beast in terms of story-arc [that I'll have to save for another day]~
With that, I've been going out a lot more. I've been retracing my steps and going back to my roots as a dancer [hip-hop/b-boy, freestyle, house, etc]. It's gained me the nickname "HappyFeet" because I WANT to learn how to sing/play an instrument but I just know how to move. It's been getting me enough praise to where I'll continue to bring myself back up to snuff. My sense of style/fashion has changed as well [maybe gone back to what it used to be also]. Lately, I've been purchasing my clothes at Forever 21 Men [FXXI; and yes they DO have a men's department]. I've been enjoying things like cardigans, hoods, vests, collars, and skinny ties especially. Also, I've started to build a small collection of VANS slip-on shoes. Must say...they're my fave now. The combination of these two items along with my new-found mentality seems to be working out for the better~
That's not to say I'm completely healed from the events from almost a year ago [especially after finding out that she's got herself a new boyfriend. More likely the one she was kinda interested in when she and I were still "talking" and "unbreaking up" was a viable option]. I'll admit that I've gotten tons better since then. However, it still hurts. Do I mask the pain with drinks? No, just dance and driving range. Regardless, I've been in enough situations right now that should take my mind off things. Yes, I still think about it sometimes [while cleaning, I found a Valentine's bag with our memories in it] but not to the capacity as I did say a few months ago~
I've come a long way since mid-July 2010. Friends have noticed and they've congradulated me on my "triumphant return" so to speak. Plenty of "About Time" and "Good to have you back" comments. It does warm the heart knowing the kind of support system I have. It's allowed me to acknowledge all the awesome-ness that my friends see in me [notice how I didn't use the word accept]. I've most certainly gained some/most of my confidence back however, I'm not 100% there. Once I reach that point, there'll be a new Brad that I can say I'm proud of. I'll be able to understand what it was that my exes have seen in me and I'll be able to accept what it is that my dear friends see that allows me to be a part of their lives~
I've got a good amount of stories to share but my time in the computer room is almost up and I have to cut it short. Be on the look-out for more to come~
Currently: jamming out to some Nujabes on my Skullcandy: GI's [Tokidoki edition]~
