Be Like Water~

It's definitely felt like a long time since I've blogged. Normally, I don't do it unless something great or important has happened. Today, I just feel like it's appropriate to release and update~

I generally believe in rules/order. It keeps everything working like clockwork. I would like to hope that everyone believes in such things. People who believe in Anarchy are stupid and need to be punched in the face by the mighty fist of reality. I bring this up because my apartment complex need to enforce their rules better. Primarily, they need to enforce their rules on parking spots. There are 2 handicap spots that are always taken by cars without the handicapped tag. Nothing is being done about it at all. As dumb as it sounds, it's really pissing me off. There's a spot or space that's not a parking spot. It's for disabled individuals who need room to exit a vehicle. Explain to me why some jack-ass is using it to park his monsterous Escalade Truck? What if I were to have handicapped friends/family visit me? They don't have anywhere to park because some idiot decided to park there because it's close and available. I'm thinking about writing a letter to the management office. It's only fair to the people that actually do need those spots. And maybe I can get them to knock my rent down to the actual income restriction rate. It's upsetting that people with balling-ass rides can live here. It's supposed to be income restriction. If someone can afford a Jaguar, Escalade, Land Rover, or BMW (believe me, I see it all the time in my complex), they probably shouldn't be living here~

Every so often, a glint of success comes my way. I don't know if it's just a feeling of accomplishment or some kind of underhanded reward. As miniscule as it seems, I take great pride in that moment of victory. I might not be as successful as others but I still do what I can to survive. Sure, it might be a lot harder than I'd like it to be but I'm suriving. Maybe living the dream? Haha...not that ideal but you get the idea. A lot of undesirable things have happened to me in the last few months but I still have lots to be thankful for. I'm able to put a roof over my head with a crap job (but the fact that I have a job, that's a lot more than I can say for a lot of people that are getting laid off left and right), I have a loving girlfriend who's very supportive of me, I have a loving family that keeps me in check when I need a good kick in the pants, and I have friends that keep me grounded as well as inspire me to become a Better Brad~

Although I have all the support that anyone could ask for, sometimes it feels like it's not enough. Struggling is never fun. Anyone who says that it is, they're lying through their teeth and need a swift kick in the taint. It's nice to have help along the way. With newly acquired contacts, help towards a better future is always welcomed. It's just a matter of hearing the right position to open up. "C'mon, full-time." Stepping stones are building. I'll reach that throne sooner or later~

Weather has reached its ups and downs. Over the weekend, it's rained quite a plenty. The girlfriend loves it. She enjoys rainy weather. If she had her way, she'd be living in Seattle right now. If it makes her happy, then I'm happy. Keep the rain coming, I say. We've spent a lot more time together. That's something that I'll always welcome. Money's tight and she knows that so we can't go to places we'd like to. But with the weather being how its been, a good cuddly with a movie will more-than-suffice. Still, there are things that I would've enjoyed doing if it weren't for the weather. Since we had to cancel plans for the hotsprings, we were gonna go to Boondocks and have an all-day extravenganza. It would've been nice to hit the go-cart track, batting cages, and mingolf. Due to the weather, though, it can't be helped. Besides, it saves me a pretty penny or two~

I know that I need to watch my finances. Right now, I just have enough to cover rent and the basic necessities. It's annoying because, as usual, my goal for a car is just beyond my grasp. The year and model I want for a few thousands of dollars (ranging from $1600 to $6950) and I can't get it due to my situation. Not to mention the car-fund has slowly been depleting due to cost of living and other miscellaneous things that just so happen to come up. I've talked with my older sister about how much she needed to put down in order for our dad to help with the rest. Her car was $7000 and she just put down $200. If I recall correctly, she hasn't even been making payments and left the rest to my dad. That's messed up and a half. Surely, it's only fair for him to help out with a $1600 car. I'll have to consult with him further about it. Another thing that's been weighing heavy on my impulse purchase list is a PS3. I was under the impression that an HDTV is required to operate such a machine. However, with news from my twin, an HDTV is unneccessary. So...I think I'll have to get one sooner or later as well as the Rock Band set to make my place the targeted hang-out like my initial plans were. All that we need is a PS3 price drop. Anytime now....(and an HDTV would still be nice. It'll only be a matter of time)~

The baby sister has recently given birth to another baby boy. She's lucky to have sons. I don't know why, but she and her husband sure do like to name their kids black or FOB names. She says that the hubby gets to pick out the boy names. Seriously, when (not if) I have a son, he's gonna be a bad-ass kid with a bad-ass name. It's only fitting. I hope that when I start to have kids, I'll be just as lucky. I need to spawn some offspring that'll carry the Bagcal name. We can't die out...how else are we supposed to have reign over the world with our awesomeness? Also, how is it that I'm the last one to find out about his birth? I think that happened when Jerrick was born, too. I'm the last one to find out about everything. When my dad had cancer, I didn't find out about that one 2 weeks after the fact. Knowing my luck, if one of my parents were to die (God forbid), I probably wouldn't find out a month after it happened. That seems to be the trend~

I need to reconnect with some friends I haven't spoken to in a while. I don't really talk to that many people and I feel it's making me lose touch with reality. I also need to make new friends. Not so much through a social networking site but more through a professional standpoint. The more contacts a person has, the more likely they'll succeed and move forward. It's proven. That's what I need (hence my contacts for a potential better paying job). "Friends...How many of us have them?"

Bottom line, I can't just sit here and expect things to happen. I have to work at it. I have to make it happen. "Get Rich Quick" never worked. Hell, that's how most of the customers I get end up in the position they're in (there was this one customer whose bank statement was 60% withdrawals at Blackhawk). Sure, sometimes things just naturally happen. But in the working world, hard work and dedication pays off. I'm a full believer of that~

Currently: awaiting my big break. haha...just kidding. that contradicts my previous statemt. i'm actually gonna make food. i'm starving~

Breaking Point~

As time progresses, the limit draws closer. Or it could be possible that the limit becomes further distant. I, however, find myself struggling with what the limit is. Could it be that I'm drawing closer? After so long of trying to build a tolerance, it could be quite possible that I'm pulled closer to what I can bear. Perhaps things have been too good. It has left me comfortable; vulnerable. Without that "expectation," the walls come down. There's a sense of familiarity, trust, and normality. I believe that once things become a normal occurance and we start to become comfortable with it, any kind of change is unwelcomed. The well-oiled, fine-tuned machine becomes thrown out of whack with the proverbial "tossed-in wrench." It's this desire to become like clockwork that tries to hide in the shadows of imperfection. Unfortunately, any kind of light will cast a shadow. The light of hope comes without concequences for the shadows of the past follow the illuminated present and/or future~

It's never a treat to be called out for what things really are. I should know; it happens enough. Still, there are no excuses. After it all, the truth remains and it's all too undesirable or unwanted. I can't ignore the fact but it's there. Is that what it takes to reveal the obvious? What it comes down to is a road or conclusion I must follow. Have I reached that breaking point or limit or do I still have a long way to go to reach the destination before tollerance crumbles? It's hard to decide. The shadows grow larger making them that much of an issue. On the flipside, the eye-opener shows an ending result illuminated by the light of hope and hard work. The double-edge sword, I suppose. It's a matter of perspective~

...................................................

I had just recently set up reservations to visit Steamboat Springs with the lady. It was a trip that we've been wanting to do for so long. Memorial Day Weekend is the first time I'll have 2 days off in a row in a very long time. I set reservations for it and everything. Unfortunately, things have come up and we have to cancel the trip to the hot-springs. I must admit, I'm quite upset by this. However, it does save me money from the hotel reservations and gas (not to mention any other kind of miscellaneous spending that would happen). Who knows when another opportunity will present itself? I'm hoping soon. I recently received some needed help at work and there are talks of trying to alternate Saturdays off. I need something or I'll burn out much faster that I want to~

The job search continues, of course. I wouldn't want to be stuck at a loan person for the rest of my life. There's an opportunity that could potentially be beneficial to me. Once things open up, I'm totally jumping ship. Sure, it'll be a bit of a familiar setting but it's better than what I'm doing now. I hope things work out in my favor. I need something. I'm hungry for it. When the opportunity presents itself, I'll be sinking my teeth deep into it~

Currently: trying to contact Steamboat Hotel to cancel my reservation before going to work~