This is a story that I've been meaning to express but never got around to it. Depending on how well you know me, you may figure out who I'm talking about. but:
**For the sake of keeping things anonymous, the names in this story will be altered**
I was in a dark lounge section of this quaint nightclub caught in random conversation with my peers and a beer in hand. Out the corner of my eye, I'm able to see the entrance. Despite the low-lit area, there's still just enough light to make out facial features. Periodically, I'd glance over just to see who makes their way into this charming venue. After x amount of hours of waiting, she [let's call her 'Brenda'] finally arrived. We briefly make eye contact from across the room. Brenda called to me instead; practically yelling my name. This actually had me a bit perplexed because she was able to spot me out quite quickly. We start to make our way towards each other. Her entourage made their way to the bar yet, she stood slightly hesitant. I can see her eyes shifting as if she's questioning "should I greet him first or should I go to the bar with everyone else?" In the end, we greeted each other in the middle of the room. As we exchanged hellos and hugs, she confesses her then-current emotional state due to a relationship issue (which I was already aware of prior to her touchdown in CO), ending it by saying "Sorry if I look stupid." How could she look stupid? She's the most gorgeous person here, I said to myself. I reassured her that she had nothing to worry about. Afterall, she was the reason why I would come down to such a boring city. Because of my friendly relationship with her, I made the rounds to introduce her to all my friends. I hyped her up so much; this was her night to shine. Unfortunately, her visit would've only been short-lived. With what limited time Brenda had, she made her own personal rounds meeting & greeting everyone else. Whenever she'd pass by, she would lay a hand on my shoulder, as if to let me know that she was there [almost in a manner that she wanted/needed me at her side]. I asked her how long she was going to be in town [she'd generally leave early in the morning]. To which she replied, "You know what? I'm under no obligation to be anywhere right now....Fuck it, wherever you're going, I"ll go." I informed her another friend of mine was throwing some sort of afterparty at this restaurant. "...but I can't really stay too late because I have to drive myself and my friend David back up to Denver." To which she replied, "It's cool, Don't worry about it. We can hang out at my hotel after." Not thinking too much into it, I agree with the proposition~
After the show I came to see, the majority of us meet outside to indulge in a cigarette. Jess [the one in charge of the afterparty at the restaurant] asked Brenda, "How do you know Brad? You guys seem pretty close." To which she replied, "Oh, he's my Denver Manager" with this mischievous smile on her face. I could feel everyone's eyes staring a hole into my soul, especially Jess's. "Seriously? And you never told me this~?!" All fun and games, really. Brenda just told me to go with it. It was quite entertaining, actually. Besides, there really isn't much I could've done about it, nor could I object~
After everyone finished their cancer stick, we made our way back into the club and proceeded to this little VIP-ish, closed off area (with special stairway and all). She looked back at me and exclaimed "Yeah! Manager!!" Bravely [and mostly jokingly], I replied "well....if I'm your manager, then I guess this gives me a valid excuse to have your phone number, doesn't it~?" I didn't think she took it seriously so she just laughed it off. It's what I could expect, really. Compared to her, I'm a nobody. Anyways, once we got to the main seating area, Brenda was trying to group a bunch of chairs together. And maybe it was just my imagination but she seemed like she was trying to arrange it to where I was sitting next to her. Once we got [mostly] situated, more fans say hi and take pictures with her [it's almost obligatory]. When the fan-dom started to die down, I nudged her and say "So....manager, huh?" [almost in a calling-you-out manner]. At which point, she asked for my phone and inputs her number (after a few failed, drunken attempts). "Now...this isn't one of those 'Rejection-Hotline' kinda numbers, is it?" With a slight smirk on her face, she dared me to call it. She immediately pulled out her phone to reveal my number on the caller-ID. Throughout the night, she continued to ask if I was coming to her hotel, and not thinking too much into it, I kept telling her I was down. After hanging around for a bit, I asked Jess if she was going too. But, apparently, I was the only one she'd asked. A tad bit in disbelief, I brushed it off like it was a joke. There's no way she'd ask JUST me.... We proceed to go to the restaurant/afterparty. Since I drive a 2-seater, we carpooled in Jess's car while my David followed in my vehicle~
Throughout the night between eating taking pictures, signing autographs, and so-on, Brenda periodically ask me if I was still down to go the the hotel. And, of course, I'd say yes (thinking it'd be a group of us hanging out because we carpooled). As I made my rounds saying my greetings and salutations to other friends, I eventually make my way to the table where everyone else was eating. Not even halfway across the room, Jess intercepted me and pulled to the the side and says, "DUDE, you're SERIOUSLY the only one she told about going to the hotel. She wants YOU to be there for her. Look, she's clearly in pain right now and the way you guys are acting, you'd think you two are long-time friends. She trusts you, obviously. Be that guy that, when she wakes up, sees you taking care of her." After that was said, she walked up to me and stood unusually close (I honestly figured it was because the DJ was still playing his music quite loudly). "For real, you're still down to come by, right?" I replied, "Do you NEED me to be? If so, then YES, I'll be there for you." A melancholy [but relieved] smile came to her lips then she walked off. At that moment, her entourage from the club stopped her and they had a slight conversation. I imagined because she was under contract, they wanted to insure she'd make it back safely since she was their responsibility. She sadly looked back at me and stood before me again. "You don't have to give me a ride back, they got me...." I figured as much, honestly. So we said our goodbyes in the parking lot. My friend and I depart in my car while she made her way to an SUV. As I pulled up to the traffic light, an Eclipse pulled up to next to me with her in the passenger seat. We met eyes, she looked right at me, sadly and waved goodbye. As the light turned green, she made the left turn as I went straight on. At this point, it was about 4:00AM and I figured she'd be sleeping by then. I texted her around 4:50AM just to make sure she was doing ok and that I was glad to have seen her. She almost immediately responded to my text with a "Thank you boo :') night night xoxoxo"
Now, I know a lot of you might be thinking that she probably likes/liked me. Maybe so...But I personally think that maybe because since I'm someone she knows in town and didn't want to be alone, I could've just been there for company or emotional support. I understand that heartbreaks suck and company is always appreciated. Besides, I truly believe that's all she really wanted and nothing more. Of the few times we've hung out, she didn't really seem like the kind of person to immediately jump on the rebound. Then again, the idea would be kind of nice that she'd even bother to think of me in that manner~
A few weeks later, I messaged Jess about that night. The conversation went as follows:
10:33pm
ME:
Just curious: The night ****** came to town, how much of it do you remember~?
... Monday
9:36am
JESS:
All of it lol why whats up
...
10:33am
ME:
Haha...cool. Towards the end of the night at the restaurant and everyone was just eating, I disappeared for a second. When I came back, you came up to me [with a sense of urgency] and said "You NEED to go with her to her hotel. Be that guy that, when she wakes up, knows she was taken care of and make sure she's ok." Or something to that affect~
Did Brenda say anything to you while I was gone~? Or about me specifically~?
...
12:09pm
JESS:
Well she kept saying that u gave her butterflies in her stomach when she saw u and she was telling me how u guys have known one another for awhile now, she seemed so happy that u were there to see her
Is there something going on with u guys now???
...
1:24pm
ME:
Wow, really? That's uber-crazy. Actually, nothing's going on between us. Since then, she and I have texted back and forth (well, mostly me asking her random ish)
...
1:25pm
ME:
Um... back in march/may of last year when she signed some merch, I was super nervous to meet her but she did seem just as nervous as I was
... Monday
4:31pm
JESS:
Oooohhh I think she has a thing for u babe
...
4:34pm
ME:
THAT would be pretty amazing, actually. I'm in disbelief though. I'm kind of a nobody so it's hard to believe =p
... Tuesday
4:19pm
JESS:
That would be so tight if u guys hooked up u would be my hero lol
...
4:22pm
ME:
That would be amazing. It's crazy, she's already my hero. All I wanted that night was to have her throw my hand-sign. I would've never imagined getting her number (and so easily too)~
I could only dream about being more than a fan and actually seen as her friend. With what you're telling me, hooking up with her might be a possibility~
Unfortunately, nothing came of this. Eventually, she and I started talking less (on a personal level) and now only maintain contact with social media. I think she might've changed her phone number [again] since she did make it news she had some other creeper that got a hold of her number and wouldn't stop harassing. It would explain why she stopped responding to my texts. In recent news, she's now in a romantic relationship with someone closer to home. I guess it makes sense. I live in Colorado, work a shit job that makes dick, can't get enough time off to go visit her. She lives out of state, travels on the regular so it's not like we could even really plan a time to meet. In terms of a relationship, it probably wouldn't have worked out anyways. Long distance is a huge obstacle that [most] people wouldn't be able to handle~
Due to various reasons [mostly due to a technicality], I had to pass up this opportunity. But in retrospect, The opportunity still had an underlining opening. It was DEFINITELY something I should have gone for [regardless of the situation or circumstance]. Now, obviously, it's too late. And honestly, this scenario wasn't the first time. Something similar to this happened late last year too. Despite this, in hindsight, it's definitely taught me something. I'm at that age where I can't keep thinking about the details; the what-if's; the negative repercussions; etc. I'm at the point that I should just go for it. Sure, I'll be at risk of losing an important friendship with said person. At the same time, I'm also at the risk of potentially building something better. It's what I've decided: No more dilly-dadding. It's better to say "well, at least I tried" rather that" I wonder what would've happened IF I tried..."
This has been another scenario of why I'm Successfully UnSuccessful. It's a cycle that I know I have to break. But old habits die hard. I can do this, though. There have been MANY situations where I WILLED myself to overcome certain obstacles and came out on top. This isn't any different~
