It feels like a lot has happened since I last stepped foot in this place. However, it's as though nothing's changed just the same. I find myself in a type of limbo of sorts. I"m unable to distinguish the rights and wrongs, good or bad, etc. I want to try and see the bigger picture. Everyone arond me seems to be able to. I woner why I'm the only one who can't. Perhaps I'm viewing an entirely different image. Call it being "an original thinker." I sometimes see it as being the odd one out or being out of the loop. Is it a test of will? Strength? Patience? I believe all great people face some kind of adversity before realizing their goal/dream. Perhaps this is my moment is what I tell myself. It's been quite some time already. Just the same, it feels too long of a trial. A test of will indeed. I start to question my abilities. If any of the hard work or anything I've endured is even worth it. Sometimes, I want to give in. But then I remember...I'm stubborn and I don't like to give up so easily. It's not so much that I don't feel it's pointless. I jsut refuse to lose~
At work, there's five key points of success:
-Be Knowledgeable.
-Do It Right the First Time.
-Take Responsibility.
-Spend Money Like It's Your Own.
-Think Long-Term.
These are key points that are used to better the company. HOwever, I've started to think of myself as "the company" and these points are ideas I must keep in mind for business to be successful~
Speaking of work, it's brought to my attention how much I hate people. All the more reason to work even harder to transfer to a different department. After talks w/ my superiors, I've gained a kind of gung-ho confidence to perform as efficiently as possible. My main issue is AHT [Average Handle Time. The goal is 6mins30sec]. It's my primary weakness. After feeling confident in my abilities, there's always those few that fuck it up for me. The other day, I had a call that lasted almost 29 mins. Earlier this week, a call lasted 1hr20mins [of course, this occurs right when I'm supposed to clock out]. If I don't meet my AHT goal, I can't transfer and I'm stuck dealing witht assholes. Of course, they always have to ruin everything. Like I said, I hate people~
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The holidays have been a bit of a rollercoaster. I got to spend time with the GF. That's always a plus. She got me the SFIV Ryu keychain and Rei Ayanami earphones. Pretty sweet, I must say. Good w/ the lady. What hurts, however, is the financial situation. Rent being one of them (see previous post). I pay almost as much as Puraw-Wave but get 100sqft less. I've decided to search for a townhome. I can find a 2bd2ba and pay close to what I am now [give or take]. It's more motivation to move on up. Also, I agree w/ Wave in the case of the demands of a relationship. The toll is heavy indeed. The other major problem is the mode of transport. About a month ago, it died on me. Repairs were costly. It dramatically dipped into my barely-existing car fund. This forced me to wake up 2-3 hrs before my scheduled shift in order to take public transportation. In single digit weather [sometimes negative], the walk to lightrail is very unpleasant. All the more rason to be more motivated. With OT and taxes coming up, it seems like more of a realilty~
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I crave something more. What I have now isn't cutting it. It's becoming stagnant again. Where's all the desire there used to be? It's as though it's no longer needed or wanted for that matter. I can't keep pretending everything's okay when it clearly isn't. Something needs to happen. I want evidence that it's still something desirable and that we shouldn't be complacent. If that's the case, however, it's probably time to find a new outlet~
Currently: contemplating my next move~
