Chameleon~

You know what I hate? I'm sure it was mentioned previously but I hate having to cover up something that doesn't need to be covered up. It's draining trying to act like things don't matter when they really do. It's even more draining to try and meet everyone's needs/expectations. It's almost impossible for me to be me without having to hear some kind of accusation or trying to clear up any misinterpretation. It's a wonder how things have been going because if I were any other normal person, I probably would've cracked a long time ago. I suppose it's that basic instict of mine to try and put others before myself. However, in the processs, I could potentially hurt others as well as put myself in a position to be barraged for unneccesary things. It is what it is and I am who I am. Deal with it~

I must say, I'm not much of a fan of my current position as a CSR. I still make the same amount of money as I did at ABC but I get full-time hours. However, I do 3-4 times the work. Also, I do a LOT of driving. Just yesterday, I've probably totaled about 20 miles just from running from bank to bank. Somehow, I get reimbursed for it but I still don't think it's worth it. I am especially not a fan of hearing so many peoples' sob stories and how they need help. This is really not the job for me. But, I'm in no position to complain because, for now, it's paying the bills~

The arrival of a comrade shall be the laughter that we all need. As the gathering'll happen at the end of next month, I hope that I'll be in a better position to let loose without worries of reprocussions. What this means is more down time for da boyz and quite possibly, a new place of lodgings. I'm not a fan of where I'm living now. It smells terrible, the nights have been late due to some whack-job who decides to play some shitty song on repeat at 2AM, and I might actually have space to do things like work on my drafting table or bust out my total gym. I need to look nicely for the reunion~

I thought I had more to say but I keep brain-farting. Meh, I can always come back and record my thoughts. That's what these things are here for, afterall~

Currently Watching: Planet B-Boy DVD~

Charade~

Someone once told me that being angry takes too much work. Oddly enough, I think the opposite. Due to being in a string of ill-tempered moods, I find it easier to be in a bad mood rather than trying to pretend everything's okay. Sure, there are times when I'm genuinely happy or in a pleasant mood. But there are those days when everything pisses you off. Everyone has them. Today, especially, happens to be one of them. Who would've thought that a normal salutation with a minor discrepancy would warrant suspicion of questionable interaction? I also was unaware that following suit in traffic ahead of me would make a person angry enough to take it out on me from the University Exit down towards Park Meadows-ish. When is it okay to poke fun at strong dislikes when an unpleasant outcome is almost obvious? I was also misinformed when the desire to depart from problematic episode meant returning to it and pursuing it further. Last I checked, "Just drop it" meant just that. I didn't know the definition changed to "Let's keep talking about it." Wanting to go to sleep to staying up longer totally deviates from my original intent. Seriously, it would be nice to up to date with all these changes. It would save me a lot of stress, headaches, and sore throats~

It's been a week since I started working. It's weird how a 9-hour shift here goes a lot faster than a 5-hour shift at ABC. So far, all I've been doing is busy work (dealing with training packets and organizing currency/checks in alphabetical, numerical, and date order). I won't complain...for now. It pays so no complaints there. As I stated previously, I would prefer something else but this'll do. Once word of a cruise-ship pops up, I'm off the raft~

It's been quite some time since I've actually had a real Thanksgiving. The last one I recall was either in 2002 when I visited family in Hawaii or MAYBE sometime when I was still living in Concordia. I don't remember. However, I'm supposed to attend an actual Thanksgiving tomorrow. It'll be with white people so the traditional Thanksgiving is almost guaranteed. I suppose it depends on my mood. Will I still be a grumpy guss? Will my mind change and will I decide to stay in the oh-so-enjoyable COSprings? When I go back to my Denver studio, will I even be in th mood anymore? Either way, it's a lot better than the standard chinese buffet or golden corral. Buffets are good and all for every special occasion, it gets old really fast~

I hate being trapped in a corner. Doing so enabled a former comrade acquire my phone number. Quite honestly, it was a person I would prefer to never have my number. Unfortunately, I was [more or less] forced to leak the information. This lead to me being the recipient of an unwanted text message from an unwanted number. The sauce is definitely in the weak category~

This is mostly for a rant. Unfortunately, I was interupted so my train of thought has plowed into a brick wall. "Thanks....very much"~

Currently Watching: Infernal Affairs Series~
Currently Reading: A Wild Sheep Chase -Haruki Murakami

Gamma Ray: Attack of the -Ay~

I find it incredibly strange that, after 3 long years of job-hunting, I manage to land a job after a week from turning in the application. It's incredibly frustrating that it happened that easily. At the same time, I'm relieved seeing how my final day at ABC was on 11-14-08. No, I wasn't able to back out w/ my middle fingers in the air while "YEAH!" played on a ghetto-blaster. However, the thought of doing it anyway while humming the tune DID cross my mind. The day consisted of absolutely nothing. Myself and my trusty sidekick patrolled the parameters as we talked about nothing. I had once again combined the CU Bear and 4 CU Buffaloes to create Teddy-VOLTRON. On my last day at the AHEC Book Center, I dressed in a way I never really thought I'd find an occassion to. However, the day was slow and boring. So...the stylish black tie with BSB Shirt went almost unrecognized. Still, I looked good, dammit, and that's all that matters. But I digress. As for the job, it'll be a CSR position at a teller place. It's starting me at my final pay at ABC. Not exactly ideal but it's better than less (or nothing). Although opportunity for advancement is supposedly high, if I hear back from DishNetwork/Echostar, I'm totally jumping ship and headed that direction. If I hear from the radio station job, I'll be doing that also. Hell...full benefits sounds very appetizing in my opinion. In the meantime, my first day is this Thursday. That should give me some time to purchase some business-casual attire~

Just recently (perhaps 2-3 weeks ago), I received word of individuals I haven't heard from in almost 3 years. I suppose it's not very strange when you look at it in that sense. But seeing how I was friends with these people around the same time, lost contact with them around the same time, they sought me out around the same time (within a day apart, maybe), AND the fact that they don't even know each other, it strikes me as very peculiar. It had me wondering if it was that time of the year to search Brad out like it were some kind of scavenger hunt. Needless to say, it did cause some complications between myself and my partner in crime, things were eventually smoothed over and (hopefully) things are at peace for the time being. Could you say it would be the return of the Arima Complex? Not necessarily. However, I do feel like things are finally getting better~

Although it might not seem like much, it might be the time that things for me start falling into place. Granted, they are small steps but they still cover distance. "One must learn to walk before he can run" and, I assure you, I intend to be huffin' it on the last stretch of this marathon~

My birthday follows Thanksgiving. I don't intend on doing very much shopping just because there really isn't anything that I want to buy. Well, maybe a dvd or something but I don't feel it necessary to wake up earlier than what's required of me. What I do look forward to is all the food that Thanksgiving has to offer. Either an actual dinner at Jordan's or buffet with the parents. It makes no difference to me. I enjoy food. It'll be tasty just the same. If all else fails, I could just get me a large order of ham and potatoes from Boston Market or King Soopers~

"Shoes ain't nothin' but hard socks~" -Me

Currently Watching: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya & Gundam Seed~

Trial & Error~

This has become a hectic week. As hopes of a brighter future are dashed, I'm left to contemplate the course of action I must take in order to survive the following months. Last minute news or Last minute preparation is never a good thing. It's foolish to believe that things fall into place so perfectly (at least in my case). That kind of thinking hasn't gotten me very far. What it has gotten me was a wonderful kick from reality: you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket~

I had an interview this past Tuesday. The job was a dispatch/routing position at Dish Network. I would settle in and work directly under a former ABC comrade. It started one day when she came to me and said, "You should work for me." to which I replied with a simple, "Okay." Apparently, she and the recruiter are pretty close. Last week, I received an application from her, filled it out and gave it to her the day after, and received a phonecall from her recruiter the following day. We set an appointment for Tuesday at 3pm. *Flash-Forward to Tuesday of this week* I feel the interview went amazingly well. I went all out. I even went as far as to have some recommendation letters prepared. There's a rule of thumb I was told that if the interview doesn't last any longer than 30 mins, then you're probably not going to get the job. My interview lasted a little over an hour. Following the interview was a tour of the building, the different departments, as well as policies, dress codes, etc. Immediately after the interview, I headed to a clinic to have a drug test. The sooner I peed into the cup, the sooner I can start work. About a half hour after I leave the clinic, I received a voicemail from the recruiter saying that after my interview with him, he had to speak with his upper management. They informed him that they put a stop to all hiring in the dispatch/routing department and was put in effect either before my interview or during. So I was unable to get the job. Total garbage if you ask me. I mean, he's the recruiter. You'd think he'd have a better handle on what's going on in his own department, especially if he's the guy to talk to about hiring. So, here I am again, stressing out about finding a job. Technically, my last day at ABC will be next Friday. I was hoping to be out before then. At least have something lined up. Unfortunately, that's not how the dice roll when I throw them~

Today, at work, I've received news from another former ABC colleague that a receptionist job at a local radio station has opened up. She, herself, went to the interview but couldn't take it because they didn't offer any part-time positions. The person she interviewed with said that if she knew anyone who needed a job, she should send them in that direction. Lucky for me, she stepped into the Bookstore and I told her my story. So, another job opportunity? I would like to think so. I am a bit weary, however. Last time I trusted a co-worker about a job, I was denied it due to a technical misunderstanding or miscommunication. Well, I don't really have much of a choice. I have to take what I can and just hope for the best~

The last few nights have been spent at Jon's apartment. I've been on his computer looking up jobs online. Bank jobs, entry-level management/trainer jobs, etc. Seriously, something has to happen. I've been doing this for almost 4 years and you mean to tell me I'm not qualified for anything? I really have terrible luck~

The re-emergence of a former relationship has surfaced after an eternity of silence. In an attempt to rekindle what was lost, it is taken into account that efforts must be quadrupled in order to assure success. Hopefully, there will be at least one aspect of my life that has a happy ending~

There have been a few conversations I've been involved in where I expressed a small outburst of poetic fluency from the top of the dome. I'm quite proud of myself~

"I lay here wrapped in my cloud sanctuary lost in the sea of contemplation only to be engulfed by the dark abyss of nothingness [*just laying in bed spacing out]~" --Me

Currently: upset at my job situation, my joke of a paycheck, and the fact that after 3 months, I haven't had my discount from my phonebill taken off yet~

Esse Quam Videri

After what feels like forever, I finally got to drawing something that wasn't for school. I guess you could say it was for myself but it was actually a commission that I wanted to do. The idea was to get as many BMF-Autobots in one image and throw the design on a longboard. Due to time constraints as well as miscommunications, it was reduced to just 8 Autobots on a poster. Originally, I had a list of 16-20. However, 8 hours per character (drawing, inking, re-inking due to mess-ups, coloring, etc.) not to mention trying to juggle shit-work, looking for new work, and dealing with crazy's, it's quite the stress-coaster~

Needless to say, this hasn't been the best month. Since summer (maybe even before that), the months progress to becoming worse than the previous one. What options do I have? I could always head back to Colorado Springs. God-forbid. I could tough it out up in Denver but I've been doing that for quite some time as it is. I could move out to a different state and start anew. BUT I need money. So many things. But I guess I can just stay in Denver for a while longer. Besides, my friends are here. Who will they go to when they need rides to the local walmart or when they need a liquor run? Who will I talk to about being gay with each other without actually being gay with each other (Best Hit Generation, where you at~?!)? Where will my successor go to when he needs someone to back him up that Donnie Yen would fuck Tony Jaa to pieces. Or where will he go to to talk about his Siberian tart? You got it....this guy *thumbs to the chest*

Along the topic of jobs, It's still a struggle. I've applied anywhere and everywhere. Even so much as the mall. Just to get me through so I can find something else. And what about the other manager positions I've tried to apply for? They say they're desperate yet they need people to be persistent. Kind of a riddle to me on that one but I still complied with the persistance and still no reply. I don't know...I don't understand why I'm so unhire-able. It's very upsetting. Good thing I haven't decided to read The Fuck-Up. That just might discourage me even more. *hmm* I should make a business card and try to get commissions done for people. Have "clients" spread the word of my talents. Shit, this first commission got me $***.** so get some networking done and maybe I could actually get paid for my talents~

I've been trying to read more often to pass the time. I'm actually building up my Murakami Collection. As it goes so far: Dance Dance Dance; South of the Border, West of the Sun; Sputnik Sweetheart (just finished recently); A Wild Sheep Chase. I've read more but I need to buy them as well. Maybe later. OR I could move towards Urban Erotic Stories. Such books as Thong on Fire, Thug-a-Licious, From the Streets to the Sheets, etc. by Noire (can be found right next to Haruki Murakami. You should give it a read. Pure comedy at its finest. Literally made me lol)~

Family wants me to head to COSprings this weekend. It's the tenant's graduation (finally) on Friday as well as Boboy's baptismal on Sunday. I think I can make it. I don't see why not. It's just a drag to go down to the Springs. There's nothing there for me to do, really. But hey, it's an excuse to see family and score some free grub~

This is mostly just an excuse to blog. I havne't done it in ages and I felt the need that it was about time I leave a new set of footprints in this dismal world~

Currently Reading: A Wild Sheep Chase by Haruki Murakami~
Currently Wanting: food other than corned beef and rice~

Straggler~

I find myself laying stagnant. In what terms? Honestly, I'm not sure. However, I do know that I wish I could be moving forward at a much quicker pace. In all kinds of aspects, I feel that I'm in this type of limbo or purgatory, whichever term you prefer. Either way, I still need to step my game up~

New place = new toys. I scored myself a new microwave. Could've had a new toaster-oven but it was a large family-sized that could fit a whole chicken. Considering I already have an oven, I found this appliance unneccesary. Needless to say, it was returned and the cash was redeemed. But, oh boy...sure is nice to have a microwave. I've also been buying books to read. Mainly Murakami books. So far, he's the author of choice. So far, I own Dance Dance Dance; South of the Border, West of the Sun; and Sputnik Sweetheart. You can bet your ass that I'm gonna purchase another Murakami book soon. I have to build up my collection of literary works that isn't soley comprised of manga~

Old toys (or activities) include playing PS2. Picked up DBZ: Budokai Tenkaichi (sp?). Also, I'm highly debating folding out the Total Gym. With the loss of the workout facility in Belmar, I have to keep myself in shape somehow. The other members of BHG have been keeping busy one way or another and I must do the same~

Things to look forward to: ROCKER'S RUMBLE III, 9-20-2008. A shame I haven't been keeping up in breakdancing. Still, just being in the area/atmosphere will get me back into the mood/motivation to keep in shape~

Currently: awaiting a reply from my previous job applications~
Currently Reading: Dance Dance Dance -Haruki Murakami

Transition~

Crunch-time has definitely made its presence felt. However, I am in no hurry. This is the week of the DNC in Downtown, Denver so I have the week off. This gives me plenty of time to move everything. The majority of things are already packed. All that's left are the bare-essential cooking utensils, clothes, and furniture. Move-in begins tomorrow at 11:30am (well...that's when I sign my lease). Finally, I can claim independence. Aside from my phone, I will have my own bills, my own lease, my own adult life. In sheer cheeseyness, you could say that this'll be a "new lease on life." But that won't be until my source of monetary stability comes from a different origin. With finding a place of my own out of the way, I can concentrate all my energies into the job-hunt once again. The new phone number, the new place, the process of moving...when a person is pushed to limits and given a deadline, he/she can get a lot done~

What this month has taught me (or re-affirmed) is that a person really has only himself to rely on. "If you want something done right, do it yourself. And if the result is unsatisfactory, you only have yourself to blame." Sure, there was help offered but because of my personality, I'm reluctant to accept any (the feeling of being in debt to someone is quite undesirable). There is great pride in accomplishing things on an individual basis. That's not to say that I'm a loner or prefer to be along, it's an elevated sense of fulfillment, success, triumph, whatever you want to call it. For this, I am quite proud of myself~

So, where have I relocated to? I've transfered to a vicinity in the area of a forgotten place where comrades gathered to clock in those extra hours for academic achievement. My no means is it as snazzy as my current/former place of residence but it will fit the bill for the short term. Come February 2009, I'll (hopefully) be somewhere quieter, newer, and more professional. It goes as follows: Cimarron Ridge in Aurora, Concordia in Lakewood, The Lofts at Belmar, and now Brittany Manor in Denver. *sigh* I just remembered that I'll have to do the whole address change process again. Such a pain. The moving process as a whole is a pain. Rest assured, once it's over, I'll expel one of the largest sighs of relief these lungs can breathe. That'll be one less problem to worry about~

Rocky roads this month has been. And even more difficult will the following month be. Although moving will no longer be a part of the picture, I've still got a lot to do. There are more worries that need to be satisfied. Along with this new lease, new contact and so-forth, I've also acquired a new symbol of hope and promise to compliment the one that hangs from my neck. Call it a charm if you will. I call it a piece of mind~

As always, I find myself left behind in the BHG. I've recently received my figure to complete the neko collection. Last again. But it just tells me that I've got a lot of catching up to do. The leader is doing well on his homefront, the subleader is holding his own. Now, the back-up dancer has this opportunity to rise to the ranks and make a name for himself in order to feel the warm glow of the spotlight. Which reminds me, I haven't been to Church in a while. Sad day. That aside, my time will come. Partly because I deserve it. But mostly because I've earned it~

Currently: making final preparations for the move~
Currently Reading: After Dark -by Haruki Murakami~